Sex, Love and Disability

There I said it, and I’m sure you’re quivering already. The thought of two wheelchairs clanging together, the sound of a slurred inaudible lust, or even the vision of an awkward physical embrace; this is indeed a topic that gets very little attention.

Only is this how it really is, or should be?

Like in our sexually liberated society, why is this the conversation often swept under the carpet? Is it these above images that put people off? The thought of inadequate sexuality? I mean sure disability rights have come a long way, yet to be seen as entirely equal citizens, well maybe not just yet!?

And that’s my point here: as human beings our greatest desire is to be loved and to express love. And sure that doesn’t necessarily mean intimacy, but isn’t that at least part of the equation? And aren’t people with a disability also entitled to this apparent right?

Anyhow, I am someone living with a disability. I won’t go on about the details of my situation here but what I will say is that it’s been a very long time in-between drinks. You see it’s my belief that women would not or could not look at me in that way. I might even be that poor disabled mess that nobody could love.

This is social expectation crushing my soul.

Hence, I think that there’s zero sex appeal going on here. My disability is a little more extreme than most.

However, being human, I do still have all my senses intact. So what about my primal needs? Or as I mentioned before, what about my need to receive or express love? Both areas where I feel utterly bankrupt.

Nope, I cannot make someone love me.

Then I also believe that ‘they’ always deserve someone better. Someone capable and not fighting for their life. Someone centered, consistent and on track – none of which I can provide. Plus, I can’t give someone what I want. I can’t hold them, help out or even cook some fancy flashy dinner.

Because of disability, it feels like my loveable parts have been removed.

Now how would you feel if you couldn’t give someone what you wanted? How would you feel being restricted by your body? Well, I feel like I’m excluded from many normal entitlements of life, love included.

Nevertheless, this topic runs much deeper than my opening statements, opinions, negativity, or my subsequent ranting. This is indeed a topic that raises many questions, and questions to which I do not have the answers.

The biggest being what is love?

Like in today’s world people often mistake ‘sex’ for ‘love’. For me, anyhow, true love is seeing someone as they truly are. Their hang ups, their shortfalls, and accepting them wholly and unconditionally. Then to share interests, to confide, but most importantly to help each other grow.

So yeah, I think about relationships and love a lot. I often study couples, watch their body language, even observe how they talk to each other, and try to work out what the magic is.

And I reckon I’ve worked some stuff out:

This whole ‘you complete me’ thing is total bullshit. From what I can tell, it’s more about being a blessing in the other person’s life. To give, to support, to nurture, to compliment; coming from a place of need is absolutely ridiculous. And for someone living with a disability, I believe that people living in situations similar to my own can provide all this, only it can be hard for someone else to see that.

Or it would take a very special person.