Advice – My granddaughter won’t eat

Q.

What advice do you have for my thirteen year old granddaughter. Suddenly she has decided not to eat anymore. Her parents are besides themselves with worry. I’m scared she will become anorexic. She has a few mental health problems plus she’s a very angry girl. She does see a psychologist but that doesn’t seem to be working.

A.

Wowser this is intense – and it certainly sounds like a humongous cry for help. It also sounds like someone is in need of some love and hugs (whether they have been void of this in the past or not).

Now because this is such a serious topic, before I say anything else here I want to say that I am in no way an expert here. I am not a doctor or psychologist, haha nor holy shit I am definitely not an expert on the teenage female psyche, rather, I’m simply someone who wants to help. Hopefully someone who can provide a fresh outsider perspective, then you can work out what to do.

Alright, so I can see this playing out in a few different ways. One would be that your granddaughter continues to not eat and in time becomes incredibly sick (ending up in hospital with a feeding tube etc, which geez I hope it doesn’t come to this). And maybe these physical consequences could even be explained to her?

Then secondly, “the adults” or even her friends could try to listen to her. Nope, I definitely didn’t say talk to her, what I’m referring to is intent listening. To show interest, compassion and understanding. To get someone to put their heart in front of hers. Then hopefully the root cause will begin to seep out – which will likely be something to do with comparisons, entitlement, peer pressure, social expectation or self-disappointment. Just guesses.

Also, I reckon (again just guessing) I understand this anger thing, this is probably because she’s so young and doesn’t know how to express her emotions yet. But yeah, I think any thirteen year old is in this same boat. And anger is easy.

Thirdly now, and this is what concerns me most about this situation, the root cause behind the not eating (the psychological distress), what will be the result if this keeps going on for years? Maybe it’s a medical imbalance, maybe it’s an emotional one? I don’t know. But the not eating is definitely a side-effect of something, and the sooner you can get to this root cause I believe the better off you’ll be. She’ll be. And don’t judge or blame, be kind and compassionate.

Then finally, some direct advice for you as this girl’s grandmother, you are in the perfect position to provide strong feminine energy and loving support. I’d even say it’s almost your duty. Alas, you are at the perfect distance, you can “seemingly” totally play Switzerland, and most importantly listen with intent. Just listen, ask the odd question, make it all about her (as in barely even talk) because everyone wants to be heard.

Hope this helps.

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