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Q: Short story – can’t bring myself to be friends with one of my close colleagues because she reminds me too much of a best friend who I haven’t spoken to for more than a year. And it hurts to remember how a best friend like that can flip your life upside down.
A: Okay obviously this question comes in two parts, and firstly I’ll address the colleague bit. So, I don’t think it’s fair to deprive a colleague of the ‘amazing experience that is you’ just because they remind you of somebody else. It’s not fair on your colleague at all, and I’m assuming it’s purely because they look or act a certain way. This is your baggage (hurt) and not theirs, and I guess you need to own that (put your big boy pants on), and in my opinion you should be making a lot more effort in your colleagues’ regard.
Now to the real crux of the question, this all comes back to your (ex?) best friend and your unresolved issues with them. Which, honestly I have no idea what went down nor do I need to know, you see, as I see it this will all come down to forgiveness. Like I’m sure an event played out, things were said, people were hurt (?), but what I guess you now need to ask yourself is whether or not this person is worth fighting for?? And to me, and by your question, it sounds like they are – as they’ve obviously made such an impact on you.
Alright, now this is where things might get tricky and confronting for you, to practice forgiveness here you’ll probably have to swallow gallons of pride and be the first to reach out (make contact). Then in my opinion approach it all from a place of love, listen carefully, and act accordingly. Plus, always remember that love sometimes says no.
But I do wish you luck with it all. This will be complex but also worthwhile – in terms of personal growth and standing. Life isn’t always easy.
I mean moreover you really need to make a clear cut choice here, like the emotional cost of this limbo is evident (ie. Your colleague). Also, cool you can quite easily walk away and deal with or supress the pain, or approach it all from a place of love?? Which I’m also certain, if this person was a ‘best friend’ they should also be understanding and considerate of your approach. Because, or well actually on another note, I believe that everybody comes into our life for a reason (to challenge us in some way or form), and right here you are presented with exactly that. Possibly that choice of love over fear??
Still, I say choose growth.