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Q: Ok ol sage one….seeking advice….what can I do to avoid ending up with another narcissistic sociopath? Is deception the new black? Is monogamy dead?
A: So just sayin, I find it quite weird that here I am here giving advice about relationships; I mean I haven’t had one single date in the past 18 years. Haha my love life is pretty much the dodo (extinct). I flat out repel the opposite sex. But it is what it is, and hey strangely I’m kinda okay with it (the advice bit), at least I have something to offer on the love spectrum.
Anyways… now to the question, so it sounds like you’ve recently had your heart broken, which sadly isn’t all that uncommon in today’s world. Then by the tone of the question, it also sounds like your partner cheated and you’ve now become a bit syndical and bitter about the whole love thing, still, on a more positive note it seems like you may also be prepared to explore the ‘love thing’ again. A good sign I’d say.
But as far as ending up with another narcissistic sociopath, well when reading this I instantly thought who the bloody hell am I to give any guarantees!? Like straight up, I can’t. So what I thought I’d do instead of making rash empty claims, I thought I’d give you some stuff to think about in regards to relationships. Themes that I think about often. Also, maybe these/this might help when choosing your next partner.
- So I believe that there’s way too much emphasis placed on finding the ‘special one’ or even the ‘perfect match’, I reckon relationships should be more so approached as two separate journey’s coming together. And this coming together, it should be to compliment one another, to help each other grow, to promote wellbeing and joy. It’s really not all that complicated but in another way it kinda is, hope that makes sense!?
- Then secondly, a sad reality is that a lot of people are very, very selfish (hence the whole cheating thing you’ve just been through). Like I think it’s a societal thing, the perceptions of scarcity, greed and ‘only having one life’ have subconsciously made people pursue quantity over quality. Or blah something like that. Or lust is often chosen over love, when realistically, love is the only one that is truly gratifying and sustaining.
- Okay I’ve just decided that I’m only going to write three of these dot points here (I almost wrote one more about communication), so lastly I believe, and most importantly, people should gauge and value someone (a potential partner) purely by what’s in their chest – not by what’s on their chest. Yeah the heart (and it’s nature, kindness, empathy, understanding etc) I believe that this is the only thing that we should be looking at – for this is where goodness (or not?) and true strength of character is found. The mind or someone’s intellect can disguise the truth, so umm yeah connecting with another’s heart is where it’s at.
Pumpernickle kerfuffle… so fingers crossed if you consider these themes (when considering or choosing a future partner), well hopefully the whole love thing won’t end up in total disaster and heartbreak for you again. And fingers crossed deception won’t show its ugly face, which to get back to the original question again, nope I don’t think monogamy is dead either. It all comes down to finding a good match, and as I’ve been trying to get at, a match founded on a deep level where a romantic relationship is bolstered by the connection between two hearts. This is where true love resides – along with trust, faith, honesty, communication, investment, monogamy and all those other good things.
So yeah if I was you, I’d start scouring the countryside for a good hearted bloke… it really does mean everything. And FYI, money or social stature can’t buy it either, it’s simply is nature at it’s best.
Yup, good luck with it huh.
Oh and if you do get really, really, really desperate, I’m always available lol