Ep. 19

A constant in my life for the past eight years or so has been this life coaching school. But by constant, I mean, I jump both in and out when and as I need it. You see, I’ve never really wanted to become a life coach, but what absolutely does interest me about this place is the personal development side of things. And specifically, when I tend to jump back in and get involved is when I’m struggling mentally. Like not only are the teachings rather amazing but the whole community is super supportive too. This has become like a safe space for me.

Actually, I’m just going to put this out there, this school in many ways has saved my life. It is what completely shifted my perspective on the world (or at least got the ball rolling), this school taught me to see and embrace love over fear. (FYI, there is many ways this can be done, this was just how I initially did it.)

Anyhow, for quite a while now I’ve known that I’ve needed to get back into this for my mental health, and funnily enough I was beginning to do this at the start of last year only then my trachy had the blow out and my health kinda shit itself. So, I never got my mental respite that this place typically provides – no wonder I’ve been on such a rollercoaster.

Then another thing that I haven’t told anyone, about six months ago I decided to start working through the course from the very beginning again, only sadly this has been on a pretty infrequent basis that I’ve been doing these pre-recorded classes. I just had trouble balancing the workload with uni. Even so, the life coaching stuff did still help a bit, I mean this time around it definitely highlighted all the things I have been doing wrong. Like trust me, I know I’m a disaster.

Fast forward to yesterday now, well, even though it was online I attended my first workshop in just over two years I’d say. And honestly, I recognised nobody (apart from two of the head trainers), yet it really was like reuniting with an old friend. As always happens, I also wondered why I’d been away for so long.

But yesterday, I dunno what it was but there was another side to it all that felt quite different. Now, this was nothing to do with the school per se, rather what I felt was that I was seeing this place with fresh eyes. Or, to put it another way (which doing this is like my new writing flavour of the month), I mean I’ve always taken this place seriously but it’s now like this has reached a new level. It’s almost like I’ve finally realised just how important and influential this place is for me, and well, finally I think it’s time for me to play full-out here. I’ve never done this before.

I mean, like I said earlier I’ve never really wanted to be a life coach, so subconsciously this has always kept me at arms-length from, well completely diving into the school and its community. So I’ve primarily used this place for information gathering, applied what I thought was relevant, then often did my jump back out thing (and back in when I’d start struggling again). But what I realised yesterday in this workshop, it’s the full immersion and completely diving in, this is where the greatest benefits lie (at this school). It’s getting involved, doing the coaching, participating – not primarily doing this stupid information gathering thing.

But, yeah I also know why I’ve taken this approach to date. You see, I am absolutely terrified of myself and my reality (when I dive really deep and when looking at my life through the lens of a microscope), and this is exactly what this school does. It’s like, or maybe a better way to put all this is if you allow and open yourself up to it, this place can be personal development on steroids. But again, what I’m saying, I’ve never been wholeheartedly open to it. Which sure, I have come close several times, but in the end I’ve always been too scared. My demons are very powerful.

So then, what does this all mean? Well, as I’ve known for bloody ages now, I really do need to get back into my life coaching studies. Straight up, it’s like the content and classes instantly put a rocket under my ass. And, look, I already have been taking steps toward this, like I have already been re-watching classes, plus I have an accountability study buddy too (aka the artichoke lady), only in my heart I just know I have to approach all of this a bit differently this time. Again, I think this very much relates to this new level of seriousness that I’m feeling.

It’s very much like I’ve reached a new level of desperation, the time for games is over, and well, obviously my personal stakes are very high too. I realise that my survival is toing and froing.

Still, I’m not in any way trying to place an expectation (or burden) on this school to solve any of these problems for me. I know it is up to me and I have no other choice than to bear all the weight myself. But what I am saying, if I can just “feel the fear and do it anyway”, try to dive in more than what I have done in the past and even get involved, I’m certain that this school will once again help me a lot. So, this is what I’m going to do.

And to start with this new level of involvement (and passion you could say), I’ll be calling the life coaching school first thing tomorrow morning (Monday). This is something that I feel is way overdue.