Advice – What the hell is wrong with me?

Q.

What the hell is wrong with me? I’m sicker than a dog right now, I am fighting either another bowel obstruction or a possible twisted intestine, my heart is acting up terribly too. I don’t go to hospitals because once they get me they don’t let me go for months. So, I do my bowel obstructions by myself until I can’t. Twisted bowel is another story I don’t know what to do about?

Then, I have my sister who died last year from Covid… and what followed was her family and all their fuckery that left me out of the obituary, etc. They also ostracised me so much ,and from her children too.

So, why am I caring about these people that hurt me soooo bad last year?

I should have shut the door and never looked back, because they made me feel like I wasn’t any part of my extended family. Like my sister and I were on the same side, so to leave me out was so wrong. .

What is wrong with me?? I have been working on “deserving” my whole life because that’s a huge issue for me. I just obviously had a messed up childhood and have seriously been working on fixing all of what has held me back my whole life. I literally went to college to figure me out!! That’s why I took two majors I needed everything I could get my hands on in counselling and psychology

I keep striving by myself – no family – throughout this lifetime.

I have had to walk away many times.

A.

Okay, well this is a doozie question. So much going on here and my heart totally goes out to you. Life can be so cruel to some of us and somehow you’ve just gotta make the most of what you’ve got. Like no matter how low you go or get, I’m certain you still have something positive to offer. It’s about being brave and embracing your little corner, which I do acknowledge how hard this can be (it’s something that I even struggle with myself). What I think of often, it’s a quote “if you’re feeling helpless help someone” and no kidding this really does work. It’s how you make the most of your little corner (as in combining the two). I do hope you’ll try it.

Now to your health conundrums, I’m totally going to stay in my lane here. I am not a doctor so it would be foolish to even pass comment, especially as it sounds so serious. What I’d hope though is that you’ve got someone medically trained monitoring this on a regular basis (at an absolute minimum).

Alright to the family stuff now, sheesh and firstly I am so sorry to her about your sisters passing. That’s just shit. And the response of her husband, frankly that’s disgusting. I don’t know what’s wrong with people these days; there’s such a lack of compassion and common decency, then so much selfishness, what to do? Well, I’d say somehow let your family know your feelings (this is a personal choice though) but the thing I want to stress is that two wrongs don’t make a right. And geez, what would be awesome here, it would be so cool if you could prove (to yourself) that you’re the bigger person. I dunno but I just feel like you’d take-away a lot from this. Also, finally here, you care about these people because you’re a good person, is that really so bad?

Then to your self-worth, I love it where you said “I went to college to figure me out!! That’s why I took two majors I needed everything I could get my hands on in counselling and psychology.” So self-aware and that means you’re miles in front. Halleluiah. And self-awareness means that you can pin-point the exact stuff that you need to work on. Bingo.

Which brings me to something you’ve highlighted here, being “deserving.” Well, who says you’re not? Are you not a child of God as we all are? And look, in the spirit of full transparency, self-worth is something I have struggled with myself over the years. Like even now I believe that I’m romantically unlovable – especially when I compare my overall worth to any able-bodied person. Yet, what I am starting to warm to, yep another concept from a quote, “nobody is you and that is your power.” And truly, I think that sums up everything, nuf said.

Hugs. Hope this helps.

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