So I’ve decided to start blogging again (which I’m sure some of you are like meh, so what!!) – but I think I’ll start on Monday. I’m also going to try and do the 500 words 5 days a week thing again, because as I’ve found without it my mental health plummets, and literally I’ve found that it’s the only thing that truly helps me. Like if I write and don’t share it, I find it has no power or impact on me whatsoever. It’s just shit – because some of this stuff I don’t necessarily what to share yet it seems that (for me) this is the only way I can work through stuff and move on with my life. And I also want to say here, I’ll be writing all this primarily for myself, so if you read it or not I couldn’t give a rats (haha no offence).
Also, the same rules apply – 500 words, no editing – only this time I might not be so strict on the 5 days a week thing, I want to try not to swear so much, and rather than writing in ‘blog format’ every day for some days I might just post random slabs of content (of whatever I happen to be working on). Or in short I don’t want my blogs to consume my life, I really want them to be a stepping stone forward. Plus, I have absolutely no idea of how long I’ll do this for (this time around). Last time it was for two months, but this time I guess I’m more focused on a tangible long-term healing. So, We’ll play it by ear.
Actually, on another note, it feels a bit weird to be writing this as I just posted that I wanted to stay off any form of social media – because of my mental health, and my personal fear of what might come out. But really, is that a ‘winners’ mentality? To me that sounds like defeat.
So instead, as it’s been a very quiet, boring and thought filled few days – actually I’m writing this on the advice of somebody close to, you see for days they’ve been telling me that I should post stuff just to keep some sort of connection with the outside world – and after some deep searching I tend to agree with them. Like my ‘bubble’ is so small right now it’s almost hard to comprehend. Also, my mental health and state of mind is so bad right now (again) I desperately need something or to take some action to try and find some peace.
However, because of this, I’m a bit worried (even terrified) about what might come out. But it must! So as hesitant as I am to say this, I reckon some of the coming posts will be pretty real and raw, even pushing boundaries in some cases (sorry dad). Only it will be only for a short time, to expose simply one stage of my life so I can hopefully move on to the next (more private stage).