Ep. 7

A gorilla beating its chest, the lion roars, all while the “Mark” tip taps away on his on-screen keyboard. Three species in their natural alpha state it seems, just doing their thing.

Okay with the bullshit now out of the way I thought I might start with a big picture concept rant (a concept which has been on my mind a fair bit lately) then slowly chunk it down. Maybe even run off on a few tangents, I’ll see how I go.

So… this big picture concept is “a life”, which if you’re reading this, this is obviously something that you’ve been blessed with. You have an amazing brain, sensation, sight, well look hopefully all your senses work. And hey, it’s probably likely that you can move too – bonus! But what I’m getting at, in our lives this is what we have to work with. Yeah, I know it’s all very straightforward yet why I’m pointing it out is because I believe a lot of people overlook the importance of these gifts.

So many people just take their life and abilities fore-granted, I know I did before I got sick, but to hit you with the sledge hammer now – one day this will all go away. Life is indeed finite. One day time will run out.

Now I’m not going to get all morbid and do the whole death spiel here, rather, it’s this concept of “a life” that I want to stick with. Actually, I think why this has been on my mind so much lately is because this is talked about a lot in the disability and care giving sector (with massively fluctuating authenticity), but something you do hear is “I’m helping aa customer to live their best life.” Vomit… customer is such an ugly word.

“In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight.”

Anyhow, this infinite “a life” and living your “best life”, this is probably a better representation of what’s been on my mind lately, then a few things relating to this. In fact, this is what I’ve been wanting to talk about all along only I get a tad caught up in setting the scene.

Scar? Simba? And getting carried away with my loin references.

You see, what’s really been on my mind is the lack of control that I have over my life, then on top of this I have certain carers, management, even Government regulations putting in control measures too. Now, I’m sure we all experience this sort of stuff to a point, only gees with my health dictating much of my freedoms as well it’s like at every angle “my life” is not my own. Haha, then whose life is it?

Because shit “this life” totally wants to go to the brand new Legoland theme park in South Korea.

Nah… but look I do find all this pretty interesting – and awful!

But what is particularly fascinating, so many people are obsessed with control, heck maybe it’s because it makes them feel powerful and gives them worth. Whatever. Yet what’s funny, so many people won’t even do stuff because they can’t control it, like certainty is defo something that people value highly.

Whoa, this could and should be a whole separate rant, there’s so much I could talk about here… but meh. Instead I’ll simply point out how without control, many people can become uncomfortable very quickly. Fear, anxiety, a need to numb (drugs and alcohol) yeah just thought I’d chuck in these thought provoking words as well.

What did someone say Putin?

Nevertheless… I’m much the same as everybody else, I love and crave control over “my life” too. Even if it’s something as simple as choosing how I make my coffee, still, I think having control and choice over something like where we live is way more important. Actually, I think having some sort of control over our lives is a beautiful thing, it’s even imperative, this is how we embrace our individuality and uniqueness.

Alright time now for the second sledge hammer of the day – well falling on my head anyway as I’m talking about myself here – see, as I hinted at above I have fuck all control over my life and haven’t really had any for two decades now. I live within strict parameters, I’m constantly adapting, I am reactive. And bloody hell it can be hard. I really have done my best and tried mu hardest to be proactive though (with the exception of the past twelve months).

Yawn… yeah I know this id dragging out. So as a quick succinct finale, nope I don’t control, I have had to learn how to surrender and to trust the process.

Hakuna matata.