Okay, so I did it, I went “oot and aboot” and into the big wild yonder. Or, theatrics aside, in other words, I went downstairs and explored some of this trendy little shopping mall that I’m now living right in the middle of. It really is so amazing.
What’s hit me since though, holy sneeze, I have just achieved this humungous goal. Like, this is something I’ve been working on for three years now (with a lot of help of course) and by-gingos I’m now living the soils. This is my life now. Again, all this really is so amazing. Blessed.
Celebrations, champagne… well no… much rather I’m still doing my nesting thing and trying to enjoy the moment. And sure it might sound lame but I’m trying to enjoy the victory too. Which, as I know from past experience, I’m pretty terrible at celebrating or even consolidating, instead I’m always looking for what’s next. I’m just very goal orientated I guess, plus I love the chase.
But, this goal that I’ve reached, it feels kinda different. It’s not kissing a supermodel or running a marathon, this “home” thing feels much more solid and meaningful. It’s not white sugar, it’s a kale and cucumber smoothie. Yum. Actually, you know, I think living here is really going to change me, as in, what I’m discovering is that my chase now is shifting to substance. Haha, meat and potatoes.
Also, another thing, I would never rest. I’d be eating dreams and goals for breakfast. Next goal, next goal, Crackle, Pop. But what it appears that I’ve just found, it’s a new level of contentment and peace. I think I’m finally happy with what I’ve achieved in this lifetime, so now I don’t have to obsess over striving. Like as hard and as shit as it has been at times, I feel like I’ve now ticked most of my boxes. Against the odds, I’ve still managed to live a pretty phenomenal life. Or, so I believe.
Only, in saying all this, by no means does this exonerate me from continuing to try and strive (and to live out even more of my dreams). This is who I am at my core and this will never change. But I suppose what I’m trying to say here is that I don’t feel the same level of urgency around achieving my goals like I used to (because I was afraid my life was going to expire and that I wouldn’t even get close to what I desired). It’s a real shift. It’s a nice free feeling.
Anyway, writing my books, finishing university, becoming an advertising copywriter, meeting the woman of my dreams; these are all things that are definitely still on my radar. And sure, I’m certain living out all these things will make me extremely happy too. But until these days come (or hopefully they do), you know, what I think I’m now focusing on is being happy in the meantime. To be cool with me – spiritually, emotionally, herwk even physically.
And I also believe that I’m now in the right place to do this, I’m in a space that I can finally call my own. Love. Lucky Strike cigarettes (or a jumbo novelty box anyhow), Paddington Bear, Jordan 4 Lightning’s, a Breakfast at Tiffany’s poster – just some of “me” that I can see around my room. Bliss.
Oh and hey, on another note, I’m really happy today as I’m having this awesome gift dropped off. Some of my team (who are more so friends) got together and bought me some red armchairs as a house warming gift. So kind.
My world is coming together.